I wouldn’t say that meltdowns are completely unique to autistic kids, but they can happen in all kids. When we first hold that adorable baby in our arms, we just cannot believe that they will ever throw a tantrum, much less have a meltdown.
Their angel eyes look up at us adoringly and we simply cannot see the potential for any problems outside of pooping, peeing, feeding issues, or the general all-nighters we must take on. Isn’t that the way it really was?
But, as children gain their independence, they decide they know better than we do. They step out into the world and fight our authority.
While I know it is tricky to generally discipline autistic kids, I do know that handling meltdowns in special needs kids comes from a deeper issue than your typical kids who want what they want for very little reason other than to buck the system of your authority.
My own autistic son threw his first full-blown meltdown at 18 months old! I think it lasted an hour. Oh my.
I honestly do not remember what set him off that day. He was rigid about his routines and would sit for long periods of time repetitively sorting items.
Usually, his meltdowns stemmed from a lack of understanding or an overdrive for food (unique to his genetic syndrome).
While I later had to learn the art of handling meltdowns, I did start coping with tantrums and meltdowns in my special needs son from an early age.
Why autistic meltdowns occur
I can tell you from thirty years of experience as a public school educator and as a homeschool mom of a special needs child, that tantrums usually originate from a physical need to tune out sensory stimuli and the emotional frustration that comes with that.
Even more, autistic tantrums may come from a genetic predisposition, lack of understanding, or maybe exacerbated by dietary and food allergy issues.
Emotional responses to life events, such as death, illness, divorce, or other emotional family stressors exaggerate tantrums and create meltdowns, highlighting your child’s lack of communication. Frequently, there is a physical or emotional reason your autistic child is trying to communicate with you, and cannot successfully do so. Thus, the tantrums ensue.
General reasons for a tantrum may include being:
- Stuck on legalistic rules and cannot switch out of this thought process.
- Physically ill or in discomfort.
- Sensory overwhelmed by issues related to sight, sound, smell, or noise—or an accumulation of these.
- Changes in their routine cause rigidity.
- A family or personal crisis or event.
What Is The Difference Between a Tantrum And A Meltdown?
So, to be fair, there is a difference between tantrums and meltdowns. If you are not sure whether or not your kid has had a meltdown or a tantrum, think of this as severity.
A tantrum might be a refusal to cooperate with you, even though your child knows what you want. Most moms of autistic kids have even nonverbal communication with their kids so you know when they know what you want them to do and they are refusing. They may cry or vocalize a protest in some manner. This registers more like a tantrum.
However, when your kid goes into overdrive and destroys things, runs, or even physically attacks someone, the tantrum became a meltdown. Meltdowns are more severe and may go on for hours. Some kids may cycle into up and down meltdowns for years.
If your kid has had even a mild meltdown you know it.
Ways to Stop Autistic Meltdowns
While the following ideas to help to stop a meltdown, I can say with 100% certainty, that your kid may need something else that I have not addressed. We are talking about autism and special needs afterall.
The key here lies in the fact that you may stop a tantrum by finding a solution and thus, bypassing a full-blown meltdown. Once you know or just suspect what may be causing a child’s tantrum or meltdown, a solution becomes easier to find.
Secondly, you need to know that choosing a solution to a child’s tantrums may be a quick and simple process, but it may also take longer. Sometimes, the reason may not be obvious and you need to dig deeper to find a solution.
Whatever you do, don’t ignore tantrums, but “listen” to the tantrum. Autistic children, generally, aren’t acting this way to get attention.
Like very young children, they struggle to normally communicate what is going on in their minds and they consequently enter the tantrum meltdown phase.
This is how they communicate with the world that something is bothering them. All they know is that they want something one specific way, and you need to fix it, change it, or stop it.
Go through these issues to help find a solution.
Check For Health Issues
Even getting glasses may stop tantrums or meltdowns if vision problems occur. In younger children, especially, there may be an ear infection or some other physical ailment that is causing behavior problems. Fixing a health problem may stop the tantrums.
In autistic children, even what seems like the smallest issue, maybe set them off into tantrums. Also look for any changes in medications that set off your child’s central nervous system, bringing on what seems to be a lack of self-control.
Questions to ask yourself (or your child)
- Are there aches or pains your child has complained about (even once)?
- Do they have a fever?
- Has your kid been pulling at his or her ear a lot? Is it red?
- Has anyone around your family been sick?
- Ask about stomach and headaches.
- Did your child fall and get hurt? Maybe they have a concussion.
- What changes in medications occurred?
Look At Sensory Issues
Sometimes, your child feels defensive because the light is bothering her. The sound in a room drives him crazy, or he feels the need to run. He or she needs to get away from the sensory trigger source and is compelled to run.
Some kids struggle with loud noises in enclosed spaces, such as gyms, malls, or other large buildings with a lot of echoing. Maybe they need some headphones.
Either they are trying to make sensory issues stop, or they are seeking more sensory input. Generally speaking, crashers need more proprioceptive input. While swingers need more vestibular input.
Try some of these sensory activities to help your kid find his or her calming place.
Find help with speech issues for better communication.
Look into ways to reduce anxiety in your kid.
Reward good behavior with no meltdowns
This method depends on how communicative your child is. If they are nonverbal, this will not work, but if they have some level of speech, you may be able to help them stop it with rewards
An old and effective technique for preventing tantrums (and eventual meltdowns) is to reward good behavior. Is there something your child is doing that is driving everyone crazy?!
Gently “nudge” them to do something else and reward them with something for changing their behavior into the desired behavior.
When you try to stop unwanted behaviors with punitive methods, autistic kids may dig in their heels and refuse to budge. They may even scream and tantrum because you simply ask or tell them you need this behavior to change. In their minds, autistic behaviors are more important than the tasks you want them to achieve.
Getting into a power struggle with a special needs child only makes things worse and will more than likely create a meltdown. They don’t understand their behavior is destructive and you forget you have an autistic child…It happens to all of us.
But attempting to reward it may tell you if they can do it, and may even help them see that they can do it even when they don’t think they can.
However, of course, if they simply cannot stop it, this absolutely will not help.
A Token Reward Card Set
I have successfully used this token system below. Select a reward and a specific behavior to stop. It can be anything like hygiene, exercise, cleaning their room, cooperating with school, or brushing their teeth.
Show them the card and tell them what they get if they stop the targeted behavior. Of course, you could hold up, for example, an ice cream sandwich as your reward, too. Choose your own reinforcers, or use my cards below. Use what works with your child.
But, keep in mind that your kid may not perform the behavior you want without a reinforcer at first. This is simply one tool in your Mom Tool Box to help you get what you want from your autistic child without a meltdown.
Check Into Educational Issues
The public school may have many triggers for your child. Do remember that there are multiple adults and other children that may trigger your autistic kid into meltdowns. This may be completely unintentional on the part of the adults, but it may be necessary to investigate.
Find out if your kid is struggling to learn something at school. Or, is the teacher just plain impatient and/or mean? What about any children who are bullying your child? Set up a conference with the teacher if need be.
Sometimes children throw tantrums at school, but other times they wait until they get home to throw one. They need help with a sensory or other issue, but cannot understand how to fix it. They need you to step in and speak up.
If you homeschool, look at HOW you are teaching your child. Are you expecting too much? Does your child need interactive lessons with cut and paste, games, or even videos? Put down the textbooks and meet them where they are to help stop tantrums.
Address Their Robotic Thinking
We have used this saying in our home all the time. My son struggles with thinking that his obsessions are the way the world works and we had all better do it too! Lol, you see where that one gets him.
I find the need to remind my son he isn’t a robot and neither am I. I put a poster on our refrigerator to remind him to stop arguing with me about the way *he thought* things should go and follow my lead. If you have a kid like this too, this may help.
For example, if you make lunch, clean up and take out the trash, some more rigid kids think you must do it that way every day. When robot thinking kicks into gear, a child believes that Mom must do these tasks in the same order every time. In their mind, you cannot take out the trash, make lunch and then clean up.
Frustrating, yes. But, only you, as the parent, can decide if that battle is really worth fighting at the moment, launching into a meltdown.
In Short, Look For Triggers
Finding the triggers that actually launch into full-blown meltdowns will greatly reduce them. While I cannot guarantee that all meltdowns will stop ;-), I can tell you that reducing them is completely possible.
Becoming a trigger sleuth remains the real solution, and with each kid it definitely is unique.
Encouraging our kids to participate gently in the world around them, while still giving them time to just stem, helps our kids thrive and even let go of some of their repetitive behaviors on their own.
Need some more behavior help? Read these posts for more ideas!
A Special Needs Life 
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